im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
