Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
