Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
