Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
