I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
