highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize