i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
