just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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