I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
