No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
