thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize