I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
