ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
