Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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