I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
