I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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