Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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