The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
