You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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