my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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