Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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