She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
