he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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