And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
