I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize