I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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