whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
