So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
