Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
