Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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