peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
