You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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