Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
