Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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