hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me