I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?