He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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