My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
