Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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