My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
