So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Barsexuality is the new black.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
