anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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