Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
