Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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