Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
