you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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