i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You need Xanax blowdarts
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
