You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
