No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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