and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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