Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
