Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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