It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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