nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
