Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
