My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
