cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
