shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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