Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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