its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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