she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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