So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
