gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
