using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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