Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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